What Stepparents Should Consider
After a breakup or the death of a partner, a new family can be a great opportunity. One can experience love again. And share enriching experiences with other family members. This applies to both step parents and children.
But there are not only sunny sides when a new family comes together.
It is often not easy, especially for stepfathers or stepmothers, to correctly assess how they should behave. There are certain limits that you should not cross.
In this article you will find more information on what stepparents should keep in mind when dealing with new families.
8 points stepparents should keep in mind
When starting a relationship with someone who already has children, it is important to remember that it is important to understand that the parent-child relationship must remain strong and healthy.
Because only in this way can everything else work properly. At no point should children feel as though they are being abandoned. This is especially true when it comes to a new person becoming part of the family.
So stepparents should try not to be too invasive. Otherwise it can happen that the core of the family feels attacked. Instead of trying to get your way and your lifestyle, you should read through the following tips.
This is how you can avoid exceeding certain limits. And you are sure to get better results in your new role as a stepfather or stepmother!
1. Do not try to take the place of the father or the mother
It doesn’t matter whether the new family is the result of divorce or death.
Under no circumstances should step parents try to replace the real father or mother. Even if you love your stepchildren as if they were actually your own, they aren’t.
Therefore, on the one hand, you have to respect the educational methods and, on the other hand, you shouldn’t ask that the children treat you like the parent who is no longer there.
2. Do not resort to corporal punishment against the children
Even with your own children, this is inappropriate behavior. So this is all the more true for your stepchildren. And the experience of corporal punishment from a new family member can definitely affect the relationship greatly.
So you should try to keep blood calm in such situations so that it does not escalate.
3. Don’t take an authoritarian stance
It may be that small children, especially those under 5 or 6 years of age, are more willing to accept the authority of a step-parent in the new family. But school-age children and young people in particular often do not accept this.
4. Don’t get involved in arguments
On the one hand, this applies to the arguments that your partner has with former life companions.
It may be tempting to take sides. But it is by no means the right thing to do to get involved in this conflict. Because even when the love affair between the two of them is over, there is still a connection that should not be underestimated: after all, they have one or more children in common.
So avoid making statements that are inappropriate to your position in the new family.
5. Again, don’t get involved in arguments
The same applies to any disputes your partner has with the children. Because you surely want both your couple relationship and the relationship with your stepchildren to last.
Therefore, it is best that they manage their conflicts on their own. Even a word that is not said at the right time can provoke resentment. And these can be difficult to get rid of.
Certain feelings of discomfort can also arise in the couple relationship. So it is better to avoid such tension. And you let those involved solve the problem themselves.
6. Do not subvert the absent parent’s authority
Also to be noted for step parents: You should not undermine the authority of the ex. Because the parents of the children have agreed on certain rules that should be adhered to. And you shouldn’t, under any circumstances, defy these rules.
In fact, that would be inappropriate. Because even if the sentimental relationship between the two is over, they will always remain the parents of the children. And the right to make certain decisions and set appropriate rules in upbringing should be reserved for parents.
7. Don’t talk badly about your ex-partner
It doesn’t matter if you think he or she is not a good person or has made a lot of mistakes; by judging the absent parent, you will only end up causing the children to have either inappropriate ideas about their father or mother. Or that even bigger conflicts arise.
If you talk badly about the absent parent, it can create feelings of rejection in the children towards you. And both your partner and your stepchildren can feel attacked.
8. Don’t apply pressure or be jealous
You should also not put any pressure on your partner.
Nor should the time he or she spends with the children make you feel angry or jealous. Because it is important to understand that children often simply need their mother or father. The stepparents just can’t give them the same at times.
So it’s about respecting those moments of intimacy. You have to learn to gradually share them as a family if possible.
