The Desire To Have Children

A desire to have children can occur at any time in life and for various reasons. Many reasons are valid, but some are not.

Becoming parents – this can either be planned or the desire to have children is fulfilled quite unexpectedly. In both cases, it is important for the couple to agree on a number of things. Future decisions play a role, for example.

Ideally, a child is born as a result of an agreement between partners in a relationship. This guarantees safety and stability for the child.

This is also an important factor for inner peace. Because the decision to have children is a decision that changes the relationship forever.

However, this topic can become problematic if the desire to have children is not real. In some cases, parents see children as a way to achieve something, not as a value in itself.

When a child is born under such circumstances, it can create difficulties for all family members.

Where does the desire to have children come from?

A few decades ago, the question of whether you would like a child was not necessarily the result of an analysis. Children were simply the product of a stable relationship.

Offspring or their procreation was inevitable. Nowadays, however, advanced methods of birth control have changed the whole subject.

The partners ideally make this decision when they want to take the next step together.  You decide to start a family and build a life project.

However, sometimes this decision is taken lightly. This is the case, for example, when people who actually do not (yet) want to have children are too strongly influenced by influences such as religion and customs.

You make this decision out of a sense of duty or guilt. A child demands a lot of effort and effort and these needs can only be met effectively if the child is the result of a real desire to have children.

“Ideally, a child is born as a result of a consensual decision made by a couple.”

Some couples who have problems in their relationship mistakenly believe that a child can solve them. In cases like these, the arrival of a child usually only leads to the breaking of what was already cracked – the parent’s relationship.

There are a few exceptions. Sometimes there is no desire for children at first, but it gradually arises.

This must be taken into account:

The simple desire to become parents is not enough. Having a child brings a lot of changes. Therefore it is necessary as a couple to take a thorough and above all honest inventory.

The couple must decide whether they are ready to take on this great responsibility.

The central aspects that have to be included are the following:

• The decision must be made as a couple. It should be spoken openly and honestly beforehand. Everyone should know what to expect from each other. 
• The practical aspects must also be taken into account. It is important to investigate whether as a couple there is enough time to be responsible parents. In addition, the financial as well as the emotional situation must be examined. The couple should also make a shared decision about parenting style.

• The couple must be ready for a total change in everyday routine. Both should understand how to deal with the changed situation. A child turns everything upside down. That is why the partners have to consider beforehand whether they are ready to accept such a profound change for the child.
• Obligation.  Both partners must be willing to make this commitment. It is important that everyone is open about what they are willing to give and what they are not willing to give.

If one of them doesn’t want children …

Quite often it happens that one of the partners wants children and the other doesn’t. In cases like these, the desire to have children does not unite, it separates the partners. The solution is clear: someone has to give in. 

In this situation a dialogue is advisable. It is important that everyone listens to the other.

There is no room for prejudice, pressure, or argument. Each of the partners should have the opportunity to express themselves.

Sometimes practical reasons are the cause of an attitude towards children. This could be due to the financial situation, for example. If that is the case, then it is important for a couple to look positively forward and find a solution.

There are also cases in which either the man or the woman simply does not want to slip into the role of a father or a mother. Then both partners have to think about whether they want to continue as a couple or not.