Are You A Mother With Wendy Syndrome?
Have you ever had the feeling that, as a mother or partner, you are very focused on making people around you happy? Then let me tell you: you are not the only one. Because this is what is known as Wendy’s syndrome.
If you look up the Internet, you will find various information about it.
For example, it says here: A person affected by Wendy syndrome “has the need to please and please the other person, out of fear of being abandoned or rejected ”.
You can learn more about this syndrome here in our article. And of course what you can do about it!
What actually is Wendy Syndrome?
To understand what Wendy Syndrome is, first of all you need to recall the story of Peter Pan. Because that’s where Wendy comes in. And your character is always the one who takes on and completes all the complicated tasks.
Wendy, like the rest of those involved in the narrative, is just a little girl. And yet she bears all responsibility on her shoulders.
This ranges from making decisions to carrying out tasks that Peter does not want, cannot, or is afraid of.
Something similar is likely to happen to you if you have Wendy’s syndrome. You take care of all difficult matters. And you feel bad when you can’t do everything.
How do you recognize a mother with Wendy Syndrome?
Identifying a mother with Wendy’s syndrome is relatively easy. Because she always wants to keep her family satisfied. The most common features that can be observed are:
- She is a perfectionist. She must meet all of her family’s needs. If it is unable to do this, it has failed. At least that’s how she feels. She also always feels guilty when something goes wrong. And she probably spends a lot of time organizing all kinds of things.
- She considers herself indispensable. And she thinks that no one can handle things as well as she does. In addition, she would never ask for help. Because she believes that she then deserves the love of her family less.
- She avoids conflict at all costs. What she fears most is meeting rejection. So she does everything she can to avoid that. Plus, she is willing to do all sorts of things if it can help her count on affection. Even though she seems happy, deep down she feels very sad and dissatisfied.
- She cultivates her feelings of guilt extremely. For example, in case she couldn’t buy the exact toy her child wanted so badly. Or when your husband’s favorite dish has not turned out perfectly. For a mother with Wendy’s syndrome, such incidents are clearly a failure. And she blames herself for it. She also believes that people around her appreciate or love her less because of such things.
What are the causes of Wendy Syndrome?
Often times, women see family satisfaction as one of their goals. But it is important to pay attention to a balance in life. Because when things get out of whack, it can lead to problems. Like Wendy’s Syndrome, for example.
Wendy’s syndrome has two main causes:
- Cultural influence. Many cultures and societies educate women to follow very specific gender roles. As a result, Wendy syndrome is also quite common in macho societies.
- Fear of rejection. This is the psychological cause of Wendy’s syndrome. Perhaps you were abandoned or left alone a lot during your childhood and adolescence. Or you grew up with an irrational fear of loneliness. Then it is possible that you could develop Wendy’s syndrome. You may think that you always have to please the other person. And that in this way they will stay with you forever. However, there is always the fear that one day they will disappear from your life.
What’s the problem with Wendy Syndrome?
You may think that there is really nothing wrong with worrying about the well-being of your partner and your children. And of course that’s true.
But only as long as you don’t lose sight of your health and your own wellbeing.
If you notice the following things in yourself, they should serve as warning signs:
- Relationship problems. Within the couple relationship there are roles that each of you play. But you may get to the point where you feel like your partner is more of a burden than a help. Then you should definitely stop and analyze what is going on. As a couple, you should each take on the same amount of responsibility. This applies to the number of things, but also to the difficulty of the respective tasks.
- Depression or anxiety. Over time, you feel overwhelmed and drained. And that can lead to depression and anxiety disturbing your peace of mind. Then you think that nothing you do is enough. And that there is still so much to do.
- Sadness. Contrary to expectations, giving everything for others doesn’t make you happier. A mother with Wendy’s syndrome always feels that her efforts are not appreciated. And in the end she feels empty and sad.
As a mother and as a woman, it is important to watch out for any signs of Wendy Syndrome. Because being a good mother doesn’t mean that you have to or should neglect yourself as a person, as a woman and as a partner.
